Sometimes life sprinkles its sauce on us, followed by a rainbow, and sometimes it’s a hailstorm banging on our heads as we run down the street with no umbrella, and the bottom of our left boot falls off.
When it pours down like hail from hell, all I want to do is hide. Keep the kids at home. Make ginger tea. Cook soup. Call my sister and laugh about the ridiculousness of it all. Cry all night. Forget about it. All of it! Be done! Start fresh!
I want to give up but instead I reach out.
I want to shut up but instead I howl loudly.
I almost cave in but instead I lean into the feeling
Breathe into the vision of what’s still possible.
We’re not allowed to get too far down the road of hopelessness. Wander in the wilderness of it sometimes, sure. But not for too long. The other day, one of my besties shared that she’s being super disciplined about mapping her way out of hopelessness. We each need to draw our own map. But we can reach toward each other under the soil. We have to connect. We must be there to pull each other out of the swamp of sadness. And we gotta let ourselves be pulled out too. One text at a time.
Light a candle. Sing a song. Remember something that you love about life. Go talk to a tree. Visit the ocean and watch the rain hit the waves. Breathe a slow deep breath and then another. Put on a good song and shake it like you mean it. Text that friend who has your back. You got theirs. We got each other.
Sometimes it’s one thing after another. So when the dryer stops working and you’ve got four more loads of laundry to do today, you feel like this is it! You’re done! “It’s just the dryer.” You tell yourself so that you can pull it together and drive the kid to a dance class and not fall apart on Sunset Blvd. But you know it’s not just the dryer. It’s just one more drop in the downpour.
You try to dry your eyes. For the kids.
You breathe. One more breath. And then another.
There’s always more shit to deal with.
There’s always more shit to deal with.
We have to slow down the pace sometimes. There are moments when we gotta let the todo list go. Sit on the floor with the kid that’s been acting up (our own inner child, or the child we are raising) and let them be seen. We have to stop the race and let the face be stained with tears, and breathe into the disappointments and the fears, and let your heart break, and then sleep. A lot.
It’s pouring down and the air is cold and it feels like those troubles are getting old.
We want to break free from the pain that lingers, from the harm of injustices done to others, from the damage caused by the far right everywhere on the planet, and the systemic bullshit that keeps oppression going. We want clean air for our children, and clean waters. We want to be there for them, and not be so stressed out all the time. We want to be socially responsible. And ecological in our choices. And we want financial freedom - for everyone!
We want to be the flowers that come after the rain.
We might need to send a message to a bee.
We might feel like we have no nectar, nothing to offer, nothing left to give. Nothing left. When it pours, it’s hard to remember the green the earth responds with to the wetness, and the blossoms that we are capable of becoming.
But the rain fills you with nectar. And your nectar is what the hive needs.
It gets a little weird
And your strangeness is needed
Be the bee that pollinates the field
with messages of other ways of smelling, seeing, being
Be the bee that buzzes about whatever makes her spark
and helps others see in the dark
Be the bee that lights the path of no path,
a way that is a dance,
a dance that takes a stance
for social justice and self-esteem
and let out some steam
and if you need to scream about the tenderness
You might turn into a beam
A beacon of golden honey
Your voice is needed
Your tender heart’s pulse produces the nectar
that the world right now needs most
The moist inner realms
The dusty pollan
And the hive
We can only make honey if we come together.
After the storms of Winter, Spring arrives with her relentless beauty! We can map our way into blossoms.
Hagar Harpak (she/her) is a mama of two, a kitchen witch, a storyteller, a ceremony facilitator, a yoga, meditation, and breath-work teacher, an explorer of the intersection of Mother Nature, mythology, philosophy, poetry, magic, seasons, and somatics. She’s been weaving myths into movement since 2004.
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