We’ve arrived at Lammas - that halfway point between summer solstice and autumn equinox. The world feels like A LOT. So many of us are trying to process personal loss, trauma and grief in the face of global loss, trauma and grief. The LAST thing I want is for any of us to drag old wounds into the Autumn, letting bad stuff that happened stop us from making great stuff happen. We need to learn how to make our way through our pain, and find a way to transform that journey to feed our future. Each of our guests today has managed to transmute their trauma into something better in their own way, to find their way through the portal of grief.
Everyone’s experience is different, so rather than giving you one answer, today we’ll get three different perspectives to help us understand that healing or moving on happens in a multitude of ways.
Please welcome Diandra Ford-Wing, Amy Miranda and Kristen Renaud!
Listen now, transcript below:
After losing her aunt and mother in quick succession, Diandra found hope in cardinals. Of her book Red Bird, Diandra Ford-Wing said, "I hope to offer solace to those navigating the challenging waters of loss and grief, providing a safe haven amidst their emotional storms."
In finally being able to name her trauma of CSA and seek justice, Amy Miranda was able to bring her Spiritual practice and her creative practice together with What We’ve Forgotten.
After surviving a mass shooting in 2021, Kristen Renaud found healing through painting and gardening which begat Lightning Struck Gardens. Each purchase of an item from LSG helps to fund Kristen's non-profit, providing seeds for memorial gardens, emotional support to survivors of gun violence, and more.
TRANSCRIPT
Amy T.: Our guests today are Diandra Ford Wing and Amy Miranda and Kristen Renaud. I want to give you a brief introduction to center you all in this space. After losing her aunt and mother in quick succession, Diandra found hope in Cardinals of her book Red Words. She said, I hope to or offer soul. I hope to offer solace to those navigating the challenging waters of loss and grief, providing a safe haven amidst their emotional storms.
In finally being able to name her trauma of CSA and Seek justice, Amy Miranda was able to bring her spiritual practice and her creative practice together with what we've forgotten. And after surviving a mass shooting in 2021, Kristin Rena found her way through painting and gardening, which begat lightning struck gardens.
And each purchase of an item from LSG helps to fund her non-profit and provide emotional support to survivors of gun violence. Pain happens. In 1,000,000,008 billion different ways, and healing happens in 8 billion different ways. So let's get a look at three of those ways today. Welcome, Diandra, Kristen and Amy.
Yay. Thank you so much for being in circle with me today. Um, I think our listeners already know a bit about Kristen and Amy Miranda. So let's start with you. Diandra Ford Wing. I gave a brief introduction, but I wanna know. What do you want our listeners to know about you today? Who are you today?
Diandra: Oh, today I am someone who's grateful to be here and amongst.
This panel, because honestly, I never thought that this would be my path. You know what I mean? I never thought that my mom would die. I knew she was going to, I had prepared myself years, you know, prior to her death because I just felt it coming. But, um, she wasn't sick. She wasn't, she was just living life.
But after my aunt passed away in The Gambia, she was never the same. Her grief really took over her body. And it took an emotional toll on me to see her, you know, not being who she was. This, this jovial, wonderful spirit. Um, and it really made me think about just the longevity of our lives on this planet.
And I said, I have to, I have to write this down. I have to do something with these feelings and these thoughts and this grief and all of these things. And so. That spawned Redbird.
Amy T.: And Redbird is, Redbird is like a, A memoir.
Diandra: Yeah, it's a memoir. Wanna talk
Amy T.: about it just a little bit?
Diandra: Yeah. So it basically takes you through, um, the present, which was my aunt passing.
She passed first and then 14 months later, my mom then passed. Um. Then we talk about the birth of my great niece a month to the day that my mom died. And it was just, it, oh my goodness. It was so ethereal. It was so just out of left field that my niece then now has a, a baby. And that baby is basically my mom.
Her mannerisms, her, everything that she does, it's just my mom, but. The book itself covers, you know, of course the loss and the grief and all that jazz, but it also talks about my upbringing as a military brat and as someone who dealt with a lot of body image issues and was bullied when I was a kid. So I talk about that a little bit and it's just, you know, full circle for me.
It's just a full circle moment.
Amy T.: And let's keep going around the circle again and again and again.
Kristen. Yeah.
Amy T.: Kristen, who are you today? What are you today? What do you want our listeners to know about you today?
Kristen: Oh, great question. Um. I am enough today that that took me a while to be able to say, and I'm gonna say it again.
I am enough today.
Amy T.: Um, I just, I don't know if you can see Kristen, but Mel is in the gallery just fist pumping when you said you were enough. Yes, you're enough every day.
Kristen: Thank you
for it. Um, I am an artist, a writer, a survivor of gun violence. Um, it doesn't define me, but it is part of me. Um, and I'm doing really well today.
I am so excited to be on this podcast. I am so excited to be talking with all of you. Um, this is, you know, Diandra, you mentioned coming full circle. This is, this is really beautiful full circle moment for me. Um, I found your podcast and started listening to it in like depths of my PSD. Um, and so it's really full circle to be here talking about.
Transmuting PTSD, so I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you.
Amy T.: And thank you for reminding me that this podcast is a tool that we use to help each other.
Amy M.: Mm-hmm.
Amy T.: Amy Miranda. Hi, who are you today? What do you want our listeners to know about you today?
Amy M.: Um, I'm standing in Joy today. I feel the same. I'm just so grateful to be here, um, on this podcast with all of you and standing in joy.
And I think a lot of times when we talk about trauma, um, which 'cause of my Canadian accent sometimes sounds like drama, which they can feel the same thing. Makes feel the same way. Um, but I think a lot of times we, we don't give ourselves permission, um, in the, you know, darkness and the shadow of grief or surviving, um, you know, a violent event.
Um, to be able to actually like stand in the joy and to, um, and that's a big part of who I am in my practice, um, of remembering. And um, and I think that's part of what, you know, we. It's demonized a lot, right? Remembering, um, especially a lot of us that live with C-P-T-S-D or PTSD, um, because memories haunt us, um, and they show up when we least expect it through, like smell or sound or, uh.
And for me, the remembering has been one big transmutation where, you know, what we've forgotten was kind of a double entendre about like what we remember, repressed memories, things like that. Um, I got hit in the face with trauma early on in a bunch of different ways. Um, and I think, you know, luckily that transmutation of, um, you know, what is a physical, um.
Repercussion I think of experiencing, um, you know, a violence to the spirit in any capacity. Um, being able to take that and actually, um, you know, transmute the, that was very Canadian too, you know. Um, but transmute the, see the comedy, the comedy is important. Um. But transmuting, you know, the shadow into light and, and correlating those two things, right?
That there is no shadow without light and that there is no light, you know, without shadow. So, and I think that's part of the journey of that transmutation. So I'm coming today with the joy and the humor. Um, and the sacred, I think my teacher says, you know, pain, uh, is transmuting it to holy wisdom. Um, that's what we're trying to do here
Amy T.: today.
Yes. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, and what you said about, um, you know, there is no light without darkness, no darkness without light. And um, I have this quote from Diandra, so maybe we can. Come together on this because I think sometimes about, did you ever see that movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
Mm-hmm. Y'all where like mm-hmm. You can erase a person from your memory, like your ex or someone who is her and I sometimes I fantasize about removing people from my, my brain. Hmm. But then I remember, you know, like, uh, I am what I am because of everything. It's not just the good things that may, and when I'm happy with who I am, which is today, then I, I, I can almost be grateful.
But Diandra, you wrote to fully embrace the warmth of love, one must also navigate the sharp edges of heartache.
Diandra: Yeah.
Amy T.: Do you wanna expand on that idea for us for a second?
Diandra: Definitely. I feel, just as you know, Amy just said. I can't, I couldn't be the person I am today with all of the, the hardships and all of the, the bad things that may have happened to me.
So I think, and this is just, you know, my take, I think that having these experiences shapes you in such a way that you can't help but to grow. You can't help but to be better. So you have to take the bitter with the sweet. And get through this thing called life. That that is exactly what I meant when I, when I wrote those words.
Amy T.: And most of our listeners self identify as witch. So, okay. I was really drawn to this idea that birds can help us heal. And I think yes. That our, our listeners will be too. So talk, talk a little bit about the. The red bird of the title, the actual bird.
Diandra: So yeah, the saying goes that when the red bird appears.
Angels are near and we, my family and I, we had a connection with the Red bird. I don't know when that started happening, but I do remember back in 2019, we were at my Paw P's funeral and we had gone back to his house to have, you know, fellowship, a repas, all that stuff. And we were just eating, sitting around talking about him.
My niece looked out the window and she's like, Hey, you guys, there's a, there's a cardinal out there. And my mom was like, that's nothing but Papapa telling us. He made it to the other side and he's, he's cool, he's good. So I, after that moment, I went looking for red birds and you can't do that. You have to be in the moment and you have to live your life and then be blessed.
With the presence of said bird. But it was interesting because I did not see the red bird when my mom died initially, but I did see it the morning that my aunt passed away and I was driving to my mom's house to go console her. And I look, I'm on this like rural road, just like nobody's out there but me.
It's like dawn breaking dawn and I see a flash of red just fly over my windshield and I'm like. Oh my gosh, is that my aunt and I couldn't wait to get to my mom's house to tell her I saw a red bird. I think it was Sean. I think it was her. And I told her, and she was like, it was, and I said, see, like this is the, the kind of thing that when you're in the deep throws of just the grief, when you see something that you can resonate with, that you can connect with, and it, it's assigned a symbol for you.
When you see it, whatever that symbol is, whatever that hummingbird or bird or could be, a butterfly, whatever it is, it could be you feel that much closer to the ones that you've lost.
Amy T.: And you, you used the word assigned. Who, who's making the assignment? Is it spirit? Is it us?
Diandra: It's a spirit. It's us. It's everything.
And you know, we never had a talk like, okay guys, this is our family mascot. It wasn't like that. It was more of like, oh, it just came to be. And everybody, you know, when I wrote the book, I was like, I'm naming it Redbird. And my sisters and brother were like, oh yeah, that makes sense. Like there was no like.
Doubt. There was no question. Because they knew the connection that our family had with this particular bird.
Amy T.: And what if we, what if no birds choose us? Can we choose something ourselves?
Diandra: You can. I was talking to this lady on this podcast a couple of days ago, and she said that her mom sends her coins, pennies, nickels, whatever.
If you see a stray penny on the floor, you pick it up. That was meant for you. Yeah, that was a sign that I'm still here with you in some capacity. They're gonna put 'em in front of you. The spirit world will put whatever it is that you assign for you and your family in front of you at odd times or when you most need it.
Amy T.: And I think part of it could be like what we've forgotten too, you know, I, I, yes. I had a friend who passed and. We remembered after his passing that he had said, it's so weird, you, I'm always finding dimes everywhere. Like is it just 'cause they're small until they fall through pockets? Yes. And then we, we all started finding dimes.
Yes. All over the place. And to this day, you know, this was. 15 years ago that this happened. But I think of him every time I find a dime in my house, on the ground, wherever. That's beautiful. So sometimes, and
Amy M.: it comforts you. Yes. It comforts you, doesn't it? Well, and it's pennies. Pennies from heaven. Right.
There's a reason that they say that. Right. And I think that like. That feeling of connection through the veil and that people, I always call those breadcrumbs, right? Which relates to birds as well. But this idea of that people, even though their, you know, ego self may not have known what was coming their higher self left clues.
Yes. Um, and
Amy M.: you know, that's, I think that's been such a big part of transmutation too, is that, and when I wanted to. Just reflect on what you both said, this idea of that it's part of the fabric of who we are. Mm-hmm. But the thing I wanted to say about that is there's intention to the recipe, right? Like when we are creating something, we add things in a certain order and spirit energy, whatever we wanna call it, transmutation, alchemy.
That's the same thing. You add it in an order and there's a thoughtfulness to how it goes. And of course, like I, I didn't get that. They always say like, if I'm meeting meaning later, but once I reflected, you know, and took myself out of the, you know, breakdown that. You know, a traumatic event, being able to go up and sort of do the crime scene investigation, so to speak, and look at what was going on and how it happened, and giving ourselves the reverence for how it was survived.
I mean, I lost my best friend two days before my 19th birthday, and I thought that was my biggest trauma. Yeah. And the side effect of that was like, I'm gonna go and, you know, I'm gonna, 'cause I thought the recipe was, I'll go get successful and then everything's gonna be okay. And then of course it was like, when will the fire be?
Yeah. And you know, it was such a transmutation agent to be able to look at it and go, okay, what does this mean? And then, Amy, what I liked about what you said about erasing it, um, you know, I do think there's a way to be able to do that. And not in a way that negates the experience, right? In terms of like shamanic healing, soul retrieval ceremony to be able to go and bring back power that may have been lost due to trauma and not to drink, bring back the power to bring back the trauma, but to bring back the power.
That's energetically right. Yeah. And that's how we erase it.
Amy T.: Yeah. But, um, but it, it's not an erasure right? It's a transformation. It's
Amy M.: a transmutation. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, exactly, yeah. Yeah. It's a transmutation and giving energy the space to do that. And like, I mean, that was part of my original journey on that path of like, how do you deal with the trauma this deep, um, that, you know, as a lot of CSA survivors would say it's, you know, you feel dirty in places soap doesn't reach.
Mm-hmm. What
Amy M.: do you do? And of course I, you know, I dragged myself. Those are people who, who, who know me from then, like I literally dragged myself to find options and ended up finding shamanic healing by magic, by following breadcrumbs. But it was a vibration that needed to change in my body. Mm-hmm. And.
Giving it the space to have that happen and to giving, you know, alchemy or transmutation, right. The room that it needs to be able to do that. Just like a recipe, just like any concoction. So I just wanted to say that 'cause I loved what you said about it becoming a part of our. Fabric connective tissue, but also this idea of being able to erase it by way of transmutation, meaning erase the darkness or the dark shadowy bits of it so that when it does come up through memory, we see it as a badge or a tool of, you know, being able to share that with other people.
And I always say, um, Kristen, and I loved what you said about, it's part of my story. It's not the whole story, but we mention it. I think at least I do, because that's how I find the others.
Mm-hmm.
Amy M.: Because I was, you know, dragging myself through the darkness for so long because nobody was talking about it.
Yes. So that was part of the side effect for me of lighting it up, was to be like, okay, I need, you know, to shine a light on this. And like, not only my light, but every flashlight we can find. Um, so, and that's what's happening. I think a lot of what's going on in, in culture right now, right. We're seeing people aiming their flashlights at this specifically, and it's really important.
Amy T.: Yeah. So, yeah, I wanna return to that. Storytelling aspect of transformation, transmutation, healing, whatever word you make sense for you. But first, um, I wanna return to nature and toss this to Kristen. You said in an interview that cycles of nature relate to grief and specifically to your grief. Can you expand on that idea for us?
Yeah. Um,
let's see. I look at grief as a spiral, um, and that's where the cycles of nature overlap with grief for me. So that spiraling piece of it. Sometimes you're really close and really tight into the grief, and other times you're really far away from the grief and. Other times, grief takes you on this pattern.
There's a cyclical pattern, my grief at least. Um, I come around to anniversaries and things go tighter and things feel harder and things feel um, different around that time almost. I'm holding my breath and then it passes and I exhale and it's a little bit more room to breathe. And. I think I found that in nature with especially tracking the seasons and how plants grow throughout the seasons, um, there's a time for the seed.
There's a time to be in your shell. There's a time to be in the dark, and when seeds. Apart from their seed and growing, they don't start with the sprout. They don't start growing toward light. They start with their root and they grow in the darkness and then comes, um, but first the roots grow in that darkness that the seed is meant to be in.
And so. Plants gave this nature, gave me this model for to do with my grief that when it felt suffocating, it felt like, okay, that's okay. Be in my seed phase. I can retreat into this darkness and know that the darkness was there and supposed to be holding me instead of it being something that I really feared.
Um, and there are other times, like right now I feel like flower in Bloom talking to you about how to transform this. Um, and, and hopefully this moment suns out seeds that we can all use. Um, and I and I that as kind the spiral and I just, it allows me a model. Um, I needed a model. I needed a way to find my way through grief, and I found it in plants, and that gave me grace through the model.
Amy T.: And you're, you're also part Yeah.
I think that's what I have to say.
Amy T.: Yeah. Part of your. Excuse me. Part of your work is like, um, group, group sessions, talk therapy, as it were. Yes. And so I wanna ask each of you, you know, Kristen, you have these group sessions, Diandra, Amy, you both wrote books. Why was. A telling this story.
And Amy, you already touched on this a bit. Um, and tell, telling your own story and then allowing other people to tell their stories. Like how is storytelling a healing practice, I guess is my question. If, Kristen, you wanna start and then Diandra Amy, jump in anytime.
Kristen: Yeah. Yeah. Um, so like Amy said, I lead support groups for gun violence survivors.
Um, they're about eight weeks, they're eight week sessions. And, um, they, they start with, um, an educational piece in the beginning where we go over. What grief looks like, what trauma looks like, what comes up with trauma and grief, what it does to your body, what it does to your thoughts, what, what can come of it.
Um, you know, and one of the sessions we actually go through is funny. We were talking about meaning making and that that's one of the sessions. Um, and so. Being able to provide this emotional piece where I didn't have all the information at first. I had to go find it in bits and pieces and books by talking to other people and feeling out myself and my own journey.
And finding these support groups where someone came in and shared educational piece and then overlaid their personal story onto that educational piece really helped to, uh. It just helped to open up my world of healing and seeing that there was someone else going through that. Um. I like to think of it as a lighthouse is a beacon of light and sharing your story.
It might not be the brightest light in the sky. It might not be lighting up the sea, but that one light does make it navigable. Um, that one light does change the the situation. And so I think that that's the power of storytelling and the power of sharing it. Um. I don't think we talk about it enough in society, and I think that that leads to it being this mysterious process that we all have to go through all on our own, and that's not really true.
Um, so I welcome support groups survivors. I, I lead my own groups now as just. The most radical thing I can think to do right now. Um, you know, mass shootings aren't stopping unfortunately. And so there, there has to be something, um, for what's going on. And, and I think that just talking and sharing our stories, um, outside of bringing it to people in the media or politicians, but just one-on-one facilitating healing is so important to me.
Amy T.: Yeah, I, I remember. During the pandemic and we, we, as a coven, we talked about this a lot, that we had had this collective trauma, this collective experience, but there we weren't doing any collective grieving. And I think that that's still true, that we're still not doing that. And I think you hit it, Kristen, like we don't know how.
Often. Yeah. We don't know how to do that. And that's part of why I'm personally here today. Like I wanna learn how to do that. Um, but we'll return to the storytelling piece, Diandra, like why did this have to be a book?
Diandra: It was on my heart. I, it started off not as a book, just to be completely honest. I was just writing a journal entry and I kept going back to it and adding things to it and, and, and cleaning it up.
And I was like, what am I doing? This is just a journal, like, no one's gonna read this but me. And then I heard a voice say. Maybe they should read it. If you build it, they will come. No, I'm just kidding. But um,
Amy T.: but you're also not kidding.
Diandra: I'm not. But um, the thing that really got me going was just the possibility of someone picking up this book and being inspired, being like, feeling better about their situation because I'm telling you.
It has not been the path, the road, the whatever to grief has not been a crystal stare. I mean, it has been worn down because I keep going back to the same places that I'm revisiting when I, when I think about grief, and I don't know necessarily why I wanted it to be this, this little book, this memoir, but it just shaped up to be that way, and I'm grateful for it.
And when I decided that I was gonna publish this book, I did it in such a short amount of time. It took me from start to finish. Um, about 11 months to write the thing and do the editing, find a publisher. I mean, it just was, it's, it was heaven sent, I think it was meant to be. I think
Amy T.: sometimes the universe, when it's pleased with our actions Yeah.
It makes the road a little smoother and faster. Easier.
Diandra: Yes, yes. So I had no qualms about, you know, working on the book because I knew that ultimately. It was gonna get read by someone, not just my family, but someone's gonna read it. I don't care if it's at a fricking half price books and you spot the book, I pick it up.
It's good. It'll help you, you know, so I, I just, I really just like, you know, Kristen here. I, I'm an artist too, and I paint and I do all these things, but that wasn't calling to me when my mom died. What was calling to me was the writing aspect of it. It was, my mom was an an English teacher and she loved literature.
That was her life for, you know, 40 plus years. And I know that she would be tickled pink that I wrote this book in memory of her and for her and for me and for my aunt. And I just know that she's proud.
Amy T.: I know that she is, she's tickled red. Not, not yet. She's tickled red. Amy, I, I know that you have something to say about this, um, but first I just wanna read something from what we've forgotten.
This is your book that goes with your deck. And listeners, all of this stuff will be in the show notes. Of course. Um, this is from like the very beginning, but it was so resonant and I think listeners like. Anyway, I once thought I was too broken to be fixed. I tried to hide it from everyone with cool outfits, addictions, money and makeup.
I ran such a good show that most people never had any idea that there was anything much going on behind the curtain. I'd had too much trauma to be able to feel or to recognize any real magic that was running through me. I was a vessel. Who'd run aground? Progress was stalled. I was stuck, and much like humanity right now, I was in need of a major overhaul, I think like two broken to be fixed, stuck, run aground.
I mean, if I had to count all of. The people that I love that feel that way, I, I wouldn't be able to, it feels, it feels infinite. Listeners, there is no such thing as too broken to be fixed. I want to tell you that right now you are, you are not broken. You may be run aground, but there are ways to call yourself back into the sea.
Um, Amy Miranda, can you, can you talk about that, that feeling of just, you know, Kristen said she finally feels like she's enough. And I think all of us have had those moments of being stuck, of being run around, of feeling like we could, there, there was no way out. And Amy, I see your face getting emotional already, so take a deep breath.
Yeah. Thanks
Amy M.: for making me cry. You. Nice try. Nice try. Didn't
Amy T.: take long. Thank you. I want our listeners to know that the four of us sitting here aren't. Special in the way that we ma we are all very special. But yeah, we're nice in the, in the way that we managed to just claw our way out of our grief and our trauma.
Oh yeah. It
Amy M.: wasn't elegant. I mean, that's the thing, right? It wasn't elegant, it was ugly. It was, um, you know, and a lot of people who know me from before and named my trauma, I mean, I was damaged. Right. I was, I call it in the book, the Trauma Shed, right? I wasn't just smoking out back, I was living there. Um, and I do wanna say, just to line that up a little, I, I still, to transmute, I still like makeup.
Okay? So I still enjoy makeup. Um, I like adornments. Um, but to really kind of trace the thread there in terms of too broken to be fixed. I mean, for me, I had. My entire life collapsed like scaffolding, right? I mean, it was like everything I thought I knew about everything was not true, right? And I mean, my abuser was my father.
So, um, and I only talk about that in the book once. And I wanna say if you're feeling too broken to be fixed or you feel like you need to toe and you don't know where to start, I mean, that's why I wrote this book. So if you need it. Get in touch with me, right? I took the rights back this year for that reason.
If you need it, get in touch with me. This is not about money. Um, this is about life, right? And this is about survival. And I wrote this book because I didn't want anyone to have to go through what I went through trying to figure out what to do about. The entire foundation that I had known falling out from under me.
Um, but I finally, and what I, what the transmutation of that was, was it was like, I got a chapter back in a book, right? Where I was like, oh, oh, oh. And those people who are close to me and my family, they know that, I mean, when I disclosed, um, to them about what had gone on, they went, why didn't we figure this out?
And I'm very lucky. A lot of, I mean, I call, and this is where I wanna start by responding to this amazing question after you made me cry, um, was talking about finding the others. Um, and I am big on support groups too. I wanna give a shout out to the Remarkables, the original founding members of the remarkables, or what I call CSA survivors.
Um, we are like superheroes and when we transmute that trauma, we become. A power like nobody's ever seen. Um, and one of my clients said to my teacher once, how is Amy like this? And he said, sometimes this is a side effect. Um, and so what was really integral to me and to is, was to find a new foundation.
Right. Once it crumbles, you need a new one. So that's where the adventure begins, and that's why my book is called An Interventional Adventure to Remember the Wonder Within, because it starts with our ancestors. It starts with those stories. So I had to follow the line, and I mean, I'm an executive producer by trade.
I'm an artist. So I had to tell the story of the book through an adventure. Um, you know, Goonies, that's, I mean, and that's, I talk about that in the book, right? It's like Goonies never say die. So that's how the book begins, right? You're being invited on an adventure, and this is what a healing journey is.
It's an adventure. It's an intention driven scavenger hunt to figure out what happened and to rebuild a foundation, which for me and spoiler in the book, when I told my grandmother that I was a remarkable, my mom's mom, she said, me too. And she was 86 years old and she had never met another survivor. Or, or one that said it out loud.
And so for me, and I had, you know, questioned even telling her. I brought over some pastries. I was like, we're gonna have a nice chat about childhood sexual abuse. This is gonna be great. And so crazy. I'm joking. I know, right? But that's how I was. Right. I was like, this is what we're gonna have to do. And she said, me too.
And so that changed everything because then I looked at the physiology of it and I was like, oh, my mom was an egg. I was an egg, and my grandmother, whoa. And then I looked at the other side of the line and I was like, okay, what went on there? And it was like, oh, okay, wait a minute. We, you know, I'm poor.
Puerto Rican, part Filipino. Miranda's not even our real last name. It was given to us by colonizers. And I'm like, no wonder. My father's a predator, so for me it was about looking at the entire circle and then going, as Kristen said, really small, started really small. And those survivors who have gone through the journey of disclosing or remembering or even, you know, any trauma that you have experienced and you are aware of, you usually keep your circle pretty small at first.
So that's part of it is rebuilding the foundation. So everyone who's dealing with survivors right now, or anyone who's in trauma, that's why you're feeling isolated. But the first ingredient we talked about ingredients to add back into the recipe is the others like you. So finding them through community, people always say to me, why do you talk about this so much?
And at first, when I started talking about my trauma, everyone told me not to. There's a lot of people who messaged me and a lot of people said, don't talk about this. Are you sure? I think this is an entertaining story for me to tell. This is awful. So, and if I was gonna choose something, I mean people who know me, I would be more colorful than this.
So I think this is the kind of thing where you have to own it and then by part of owning it, you find the others. And then for me it was about getting big and screaming it so that we don't lose anybody else. 'cause I don't wanna lose anybody else. Because the power that comes from surviving this, I always say to my clients and my friends and my family, it's like badges, right?
They're badges of honor and those who of us who have survived these kinds of trials and tribulations should be respected just like an four star general.
Yeah. Right.
Amy M.: So that's, I think, part of that transmutation of, of, of using, and I love using fire and spiritual light and, but to really light ourselves up, and that's something people can do right now, if you're feeling too heavy, imagine that as you're breathing in that you're not just breathing in air, but you're breathing in light and just imagine filling your own vessel.
There's enough for everyone, okay? You're not gonna have to pay anybody back for it. It's not transactional. So, and that is a start, right? So, and use your social media channels, right? Use ones that are anonymous if you need to, like Reddit or things like that where you can find the others. So, because that's where the power is gonna be found, right?
Amy T.: You reminded me of an incident in my life. I had a, a very
bad mental health episode. I ended up dropping outta school. And when it finally came to light, you know, it was the end of the school year and I had nothing to show for it. And I remember my mother saying like, how did I not know that this was happening? And I said, because I lied. Yeah. Because I kept it secret, and if you asked me a direct question, I lied.
Like, how were you supposed to know? Yeah. Like I just because of like you're talking a bit like the shame, shame and the, uh, all of this, and I didn't know how to talk about it. And so I just, like, I just said nothing, but sort of what we're all saying is that that's how we find each other. That's how we help each other.
That's how we help ourselves. I think there's that sort of like. When something happens and there's that fork, and some people are like, well, this happened to me, so I don't care if it happens to other people. Like everyone should suffer like I do. And then there's that other fork that's like, this happened to me and I don't ever want anything like this to happen to.
Anyone else ever again, and I'm so glad that the three of you have chosen that, that right hand fork where I'm gonna talk about it, I'm gonna be honest, I'm going to inspire other people to talk about it, to be honest, and we can do that kind of collective grief thing. We're talking about
Amy M.: and look how we found each other.
Right? It's also how I met my husband. Like it's the best repurposing of the, the poison to medicine, right? It's the, it's the best. Anyway, I'm excited. Thank you for having me.
Amy T.: Thank you. Always, always a pleasure, my darling. Um, so this one's going out to the listeners and I want an answer from each and every one of you, whoever it comes up for first, please.
Was there a catalyst? Was there. Like a, a signature event that snapped you out of the pit, as I call it, and into action. Is there something you remember that was like a waking up moment, or was it just that slow outward spiraling or a combination of these things? Um, let's start with Diandra. Like do you remember?
The moment that you managed to crawl out of the pit and what it, what the rope was that, that pulled you out?
Diandra: Honestly, Redbird was the rope. Um, that was my reason for getting out of it. That was my reason to keep going and to do more and to continue riding. I really don't think that I am even halfway through that tunnel.
And I'm still using Red Bird as a lifeline, but eventually I will get to the spot in the tunnel where I can actually see the light at the end of it. And then hopefully, hopefully then I can let go of, you know, red Bird and, and that rope and just. I've been tethered to it for the entirety of two years, writing it, publishing it, marketing it, doing all this stuff, and now I wanna focus on what it is that I'm gonna, that's gonna make me truly happy.
I don't know what that looks like. I mean, I, every day is different. Every day. I either have a breakdown of some of some sort, but I can feel myself inching and inching towards that, that that light at the end of everything.
Amy T.: And you did something that most people either don't have the courage or dare I say privilege to do, is that you took a break.
You saw it. Yeah. I
Diandra: quit my job. I did. I had to because I worked in corporate America and I've been in tech sales for 25 years and I had just started working for this company. I was six months in when my mom died, and I just, I cannot. I reckon why there's a five day bereavement allotment. Like what? What is that?
Do you not understand that this woman, my mother, has been a part of my life since inception, since the very beginning, and I just didn't feel it was proper to go back to work, and I didn't feel like I was ready to even. So I quit. I called my boss like a couple of days after the funeral and was like, Hey, you got a minute.
Here's what's going on. Today's my last day. Take care. You know, it was just, I knew that I needed to do it and I, I'm so blessed that I was able to, you know, have the resources and, you know, roof over my head and all these things. To be able to do that is a blessing.
Amy T.: And I know you're working on a follow up to Red Bird.
I'm mm-hmm. So the story continues,
Diandra: El the saga continues. It's gonna be all about just, you know, once that Red Bird has been identified and the grief is, is now settling down, what's next? It's either gonna be a second edition or a sequel to Redbird. So I don't know which one yet. It's not shaken out either way, just yet.
But let me get a little further along and I'll, I'll, I'll keep you posted.
Amy T.: Okay. I think I know the working title, but I won't spoil it. Yeah,
Diandra: you can
spoil
Amy T.: it.
Diandra: It's okay.
Amy T.: Spoil it. Spoil it. So, awakening of the Bluebird.
Diandra: Yes.
Amy T.: That is it. It's the working title. Yeah. And the reason,
Diandra: yeah. The reason why is because we talked about the red bird.
Right. But Blue Birds. They are such a gift. While the red bird here is, is just hearkening our, our familial past and people that we've loved that have since passed on. The Bluebird is all about seeing the positive in everyday life, and actually it's a gift. I work in sales, so whenever at the end of the quarter we get a, a big deal that we didn't see coming that was forecasted, but we didn't think it was gonna come at the end of the quarter.
That's called the Bluebird. It is just a bluebird. It's like a gift from the heavens.
Amy T.: You're a gift from the heavens. Aww.
Diandra: Well,
Kristen, well thank you,
Amy T.: Kristen. Was there a catalyst? Was there a rope that pulled you outta the pit or was it a spiderweb full of knots? Oof.
Kristen: It was both. Um, it was. It was a grueling process.
It, it took me years. I'm still in that process. Um, but I feel like I would take so many little steps forward and figure out what I wanted and then I'd hit, like, have a wave crash over me and I would kind of retreat in, um, which is where that spiral and feeling kind of like I would grow and then I would retreat back in and then I would again and retreat back in.
Um. For me, one of the biggest catalysts was, um, I, I won a grant to start the nonprofit that I run right now. Um, I was
Amy T.: hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. The catalyst couldn't have been that you won a grant because you had to apply for that grant. What was the catalyst applying for the grant or was it like bestowed upon you in some magical grant
land?
Kristen: It was pretty much bestowed upon me. Um, the, the people at every town where I originally started volunteering, um, came to me and said that they had an idea that they wanted to bring more of these support groups that I had been volunteering, running, um, into local communities. Um, and they said that I was of the better.
Co-facilitators that had a real passion for it. And they had selected me of several other people. Uh, but the offering was there, there was the money, there was nonprofit, there was the, um, leading support groups. They would help me thrift if I would. Um, my, my rope kind of came other people in that way. Um. I, it took me a while.
I, I sat on it for a long time because I wasn't even sure it was me. Um, being in duty and as I had said, being enough, being in a shooting really, um, lowered my self-esteem or incompetent everything. I was so scared and so fearful and traumatized and so when people that I was good at something, that was kind of a shock for me.
Uh, but that's, that, that's that
Amy T.: the universe is pleased piece, right? Yes. You started volunteering and mm-hmm.
Kristen: Yes. So yeah. I, I think it, it was a mixture of both really for me.
Amy T.: Yeah. Amy Miranda, did you have a catalyst?
Amy M.: Yeah, I mean, I think there were, I think there was a series of, of unfortunate events, um, you know, that led to me realizing that I was the common denominator.
Right. So I think that was probably where the catalyst became really clear that, you know, all of my life I had thought, you know, it was these other people that were causing these problems for me. Um, and then finally realizing like, I think the people, these. People had something in common and that person was me.
Uh, 'cause these people didn't know each other, but I, they had me in common. Um, so really looking at sort of the archetypes that I had invited into my circle and looking at sort of, you know, where I was being of service and you know, and looking at the patterns. And I think that was. Sort of zoom out moment for me where I was like, oh, and again, that was part of this sort of fact finding or crime scene investigation that we do.
Right. In retrospect, I just made it a process. I made it work as people who know me and have read the book or done the retreat or work with me, they're like, this is very much like a game. I'm like, of course I gamified healing. I mean, I think that was part of the adventure for me was looking at, you know, there were all these different things.
I had had this, you know, tremendous sort of breakdown and you know, and then it was about trying to give people some kind of map, um, out of it, right? And, you know, literally there's a map in the book. Um, but I think that was sort of, you know, that was the catalyst for me of really looking at myself in the mirror and going, oh, I think it's you.
Um, so, and then looking at again, the foundation, right? And, and having those hard conversations, uh, with myself and others, right? Of like atonement and like all the things that come with trauma, right? All the things that come with trauma.
Amy T.: Kristen, I don't remember if it was you or Zoe Flowers who said, um, grief is a portal and at least it can be a portal.
It can be a thing that we can walk through to arrive. In a different place. Um, I see you smiling and nodding. Do you wanna expand on the idea?
Kristen: Um, yeah, I, I think grief is a portal. Um. I think, I think the hard part and what makes grief feel and trauma feel so hard is that, uh, sometimes you don't get a choice.
You kind of get sucked through that portal. Um, but, but you have the choice how you react. Um, and I, I know it sounds incredibly simple and it, it took me a really long time to get there. Um, but grief is the portal in terms of our choice. Um, of how we react to being pulled through in that new transition.
Um, yeah, yeah, it, it's a totally different place, but it's a portal.
Amy T.: Listeners, again, I want, I want you to understand that I'm here with three people who have been through some shit, but they refused to stay in the shit. And like we said at the jump, you know. The last thing that I ever want in this world is for the bad things that happen to prevent us from making great things happen.
And all three of these people, Kristin Diandra, Amy Miranda, have taken the bad thing and forced its shape, transformed it, and transmuted it. Into a good thing, a thing that helps, a thing that helps themselves and helps other people. So I wanna know from you all before we come to the very tragic ending of this conversation, we may have to make this a, we may have to make this a, a, a lamas tradition of coming together so that we can leave before we get to the dark half of the year that we can leave some stuff behind, but.
Um, let's start with Diandra. What is your advice for people? And I know y'all are out there and I have been, you and I get it. Who feel still stuck in the pit? What's, what's, what's the bumper sticker that we can slap on ourselves?
Diandra: Well, my advice, and I don't want this to be trite, but when I was going through, you know, my struggles, especially with my mom and my aunt passing, so, you know.
Close together. I. I just really, really hope that everyone that listens to this particular session, this podcast, understands that grief looks differently for everybody, and it sounds different for everybody. It feels different for everybody. I just was able to compartmentalize my grief in a way that I shifted focus away from the grief and focused on the work of doing the work of writing the book, and really sitting with the grief in my introspection of said grief.
So, I mean it. I honestly, I hope that anybody that's listening knows that you can do it your way. Do it however it makes you feel comfortable. However, it makes you get up in the morning and sleep okay at night. Um, I didn't sleep for a while after my mom passed and the day that I finished the book, the finishing of the editing and all that stuff, I slept so well.
I slept like a baby and it was the, the much needed sleep that I needed to just. Feel like a human being again, because what grief does is it takes away the part of you that is deeply feeling, and we all know that we have to die at some point. And my mom always said that there's not much any of us does alone in this world except for die.
And I really, really just hope that everybody. Understands that grief is cyclical. You'll have your ups, your downs, and you'll bring it all back around again and it just ebbs and flows. So that's, that's my parting shot,
Amy T.: Amy Miranda, any piece of advice you want to add to that? I know I saw you nodding in agreement quite heavily with everything Diandra and Kristen were saying.
So you're muted, babe.
Amy M.: Of course that's, see, I'm trying to be polite, um, so I don't yell as a reaction to everyone. Yeah, great. Yeah. Um, I think, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Turn them back around. Turn 'em back around. But I think this. Idea of it, you know, healing is cyclical, right? And, and seeing it as a lot of people say, well, I thought it was more healed than this.
I'm like, what? You know, I, that's not a measure while we're alive, that's not what we're doing, right? It's, it's like, are you a, a step ahead of where you were yesterday? And that's where I would say, you know, my advice is become an alchemist, right? As soon as you buckle yourself in and decide to become the alchemist, and you're going to take the energy and do something with it, instead of being in service to it.
In the same way. 'cause we're always in service to it. But I think that's the biggest thing is becoming the alchemist. So that's what I would invite people to do. Right. Just to take control and take the reins and see where that's going to take you in terms of the adventure and that it doesn't have to feel heavy.
Right. And I think that's the biggest thing is making sure I always say many hands make light work. And I mean that. Double right? It's light work to be with others. It's great to be able to open up your heart. Um, but I think, you know, that's what we need right now is this idea of really becoming our own alchemists and managing our own energy because that changes, turns everything back around, turn it back around.
Amy T.: And this, there's, there's this like, you know, capitalist brainwashing idea that of the quick fix of the easy money, of the get rich quick scheme. And I think that for a lot of people, um, if they're taking on this. This healing journey or, or communicative journey or what, whatever journey that they're on, that if it, if it, if I've, if I'm not fixed tomorrow, then it didn't work and I quit.
But again, all of our guests are here telling you it's a spiral, telling you that you're gonna come back around and around and around and again, Kristen, you know. We follow the wheel of the year here, and we can do that with our grief too, that there will be summer and winter and spring when things grow and fall when leaves.
Drop from the trees and hit the ground and that all of that is okay. You're doing amazing and we love you, and we just want you to do great things. Don't let the bad things that happen stop you from doing something great. And it doesn't have to be tomorrow, and it might not even be next week, but I know we.
All have greatness in us and the world wants to bang it out. The world wants us to not be great because it doesn't serve capitalism, because it doesn't serve all of the isms that are are coming up in this world. Being well does not serve the industries. Being happy does not serve the industries. So even if you can like.
Take where you are and get mad and just heal as like an anti-capitalist protest.
Amy M.: It's a revolutionary act, right? It's a revolutionary act. It's a revolutionary
Amy T.: act to heal. So. Everybody. Diandra, the book is Red Wing. Um, how else can our listeners support you? Get to know you following Red
Diandra: Bird. Red Bird
Amy T.: Because your name is...
Diandra: my last name is Wing. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Red Bird. It happens Ford Wing all the time. It happens
Diandra: all the time. It's all good. So they can find it on my website. Books by diandra.com. It's also on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and book people. And social media. My social media, I just have LinkedIn and Instagram.
And my um, Instagram handle is just my name, Diandra Ford Wing, all one word. Same goes for LinkedIn, Diandra, Ford Wing, all one word. And you'll find me.
Amy T.: And of course, all of this will be in the show notes. Kristen Lightning Struck Gardens. I know you don't really have a social media presence, but tell us about the Etsy shop again.
Kristen: Yeah, so I have an Etsy shop for lightning struck Gardens. So every purchase of, um, a native plant or a painted pottery or a seed packet helps us keep, um, the funding alive for, to send those resources as survivors for free. Um. Right now my Etsy shop is really low because I'm also taking my products to farmer's markets and doing really well there.
Um, so that's a little bit shocking, but I'm thrilled to have that. So, um. If you don't see what you want in the Etsy shop, just message me. I have a lot in stock that I have put up because I keep it from farmer's markets, so I'm there. Help anyone, um, and Diandra and a, if you would like any seeds or anything to Memorial Gardens, I am very happy to send those along as well.
Please just reach out to me. Um, that's a big part of nonprofit is Memorial guards for other people.
Amy T.: I, I will say after we had a, a landslide that wiped out a piece of my property, and one of the first things that happened after that was that Kristen sent me a big envelope full of seeds to rehabilitate the land that I lost.
And I love the, the it literally, and I love the metaphor of that too. You're sending out seeds to help people rebuild and memorialize. I love it. Amy Miranda, the book is what we've forgotten. The card deck is what we've forgotten. Tell us about how listeners can support your work.
Amy M.: Um, you can support my work by just, uh, going to amy miranda.com or what we've forgotten.com and you can get in touch with me there.
Or just imagine sending me a message through the universe. I usually pick those up too, or dream time.
Yeah.
Amy T.: And again, I just want to thank you all Kristen Diandra, Amy, for role modeling for me and for us that what happens to us doesn't have to bring us down.
Yeah. That we
Amy T.: can take that energy, we can put it into books, we can put it into seeds, we can put it into conversations like this.
I just couldn't possibly be more grateful. I feel like we've got so much more to talk about, um, but. Let's do this again. Let's do this again and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, again and again. Until we all are outta the pit, holding hands around the pit and singing, and, and around the
Amy M.: world.
Around the world. And around the
Amy T.: world. Diandra Ford Wing. Amy. Miranda, Kristen Reno. Please support their work and you can also support their work. By supporting yourself, by lifting yourself, by crawling up out of that pit. Happy Lammas.
